A Dog’s Revenge

I think it’s very important that you know something about me before we move forward with this relationship.

I’m not a cat person. (Gasp!)

I love kittens, but full grown cats just freak me out. They stalk you and claw at you and poop in a box in your laundry room. Eww.

I’m really not a dog person either. Just ask Chief — the poor dog we owned for five years and then gave away before our daughter was born. (Gasp!)

I know, I know. If it makes you feel any better, I do still feel HORRIBLE that we gave him away. Until I see people at the park cleaning up poop with their hands. And dogs digging holes in their yards. And people chasing their four-legged terrors through the neighborhood. And then I remember why.

Anyhow, I searched online today for someone in Kansas or Missouri who could repair my vintage, fur stole. It was my grandmother’s when she was a young girl, and it is so special to me. The pocket was damaged a bit in our last move, but that’s something we’ve learned to deal with throughout my husband’s military career. This damage was painful, though, since it is a family heirloom.

Lesson learned.

Next move, I’m on that plane wearing my fur, every piece of jewelry I own, and holding all of our crystal stemware. And all of my favorite crewelwork pieces. And everything my mom has ever made us. And my Kitchenaid mixer. We’ll probably have to buy an extra seat or two. Or put the kids under the seat in front of us.

(What in the world does this have to do with house pets?)

So, I was online searching for a fur-fixer or “furrier” as they’re called. I didn’t know that before. But it’s now my new favorite word.

“Honey, I hate to be a worrier, but will you call the furrier to see if the courier arrived — or if we need to hurry her?”

Someone, please call Weird Al. That was inspired.

Let’s try this again.

I was searching online for a furrier, and I came across this, a furrier in Missouri who makes fur coats and collars for your four-legged friends

Because I don’t know a cat or dog out there that doesn’t need more…fur.

Let’s talk about this.

Now, I’m not the type to throw buckets of paint on people who wear fur, but I’m also aware that there are more humane ways to do things — and that those things really should be done. There. End of disclaimer.

However, I give you all permission to throw buckets of paint on me if I ever decide to buy a REAL FUR coat for an animal that God already gifted with REAL FUR.

But that’s not what worries me most.

PETA, let’s talk about this practically.

The world needs to know. Would you throw a bucket of paint on a dog or cat if they wore a real, fur coat? Because doesn’t that go against everything you stand for morally?

I think you need to go ahead and decide your stance on this before the “furry friends fur coat phenomenon” becomes this year’s Furby — unless it already has and I’m just behind.

And before I end this nonsense, I have to direct you to the verbiage on the Fur Arts website:

Fur Arts specializes in altering, repairing, redesigning and remodeling fur pieces and garments.

Okay, that’s pretty cool. They can probably fix my stole.

Accessory possibilities could be slippers, vests, hats, scarfs [sic], collars, cuffs, teddy bears, shawls, earmuffs and coat liners.

You know how I’ve been looking for a stuffed teddy bear that used to actually BE a bear?

Solved.

Numerous ideas will continually be added to make sure you have no excuse to procrastinate.

So, your ideas will somehow drag my procrastinating butt out of bed and into Missouri to pick up a fur coat…for a dog?

Score.

Y’all it’s not even October, and I pretty much have Christmas shopping IN THE BAG.

Wait. I lied. There’s one more thing I have to point out here.

There’s actually a photo of a Yorkie wearing a fur coat, and the description says it is a “dog mink coat with blush fox trim.”

Oh, wow. I bet this little guy had fun with that one. He probably strutted around the back porch of his house in Missouri and shouted, “Hey, Foxy! Remember how your brother kept coming into my yard last month? Well…how do you like my new COAT? That’s right! You’d better run!”