One of our favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan, talks about his wife’s tendency to keep loads of pillows on their bed – as if they’re “stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.” I have to laugh every time I hear this because I was conceived by such a woman.
My friends, take a look at this arsenal:
There are thirteen pillows on the guest bed at my parents’ house. THIRTEEN. (Three of them are hidden behind the white Euro shams.)
We slept in this bed last weekend, and it took me 30 minutes to get into it. I had to take a nap between pillow layers. And then I just about broke my neck trying to climb over the pillow barricade to get into the bed.
And let’s not even talk about my trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Have you ever been on a bouncy castle while sleepwalking? Because that’s what it was like. Terrifying.
I’m convinced that somewhere in Florida an entire flock of geese are pretty ticked off at my mom right now.
So we have to fly CLEAR across the country to stay warm so this pillow hoarder can use all our feathers to adorn her guest bed? Come springtime, she’d better watch her back…or, more accurately, the hood of her car.
This is no global pillow fight, my friends.
Oh no…this is global pillow WAR.
I used to share that aggravation of too many pillows on the bed–but then, with each passing year or two, I noticed that the number of pillows on my bed was increasing. I think it is just one of those things, maybe like wrinkles and those odd little chin hairs that suddenly appear, it is a part of aging. Don’t worry, you will get used to it and they are easier to get ahold of and get rid of than those chin hairs if you decide you don’t like them afterall.