Scaring is Caring

Well, Halloween at my parents’ house proved that the only thing more enjoyable than scaring the crap out of little children is scaring the crap out of their parents.

But the evening began with my dad scaring the crap out of his own grandchildren.

How did he do that? Well…

That.

Tell me my 2-year-old isn’t going to have nightmares for years.

So, my parents tried to soothe poor JJ by showing him the “funny” severed limb.

It worked like a charm. Obviously.

I kid you not, this is the face Averi made the entire time my dad got his face made up:

She took a long, hard look at him and thought, “Hmmm. That’s actually a significant improvement.”

Kidding, daddy. It’s too soon to know what she’s actually thinking.

Here I am with my two little pumpkins.

This is before JJ witnessed my dad scaring other children and ran inside crying as he said, “Oh noooooo! G-man scared!” I don’t think he quite gets the concept of scaring people for fun.

He will one day. And one day we’ll have the talk about why he should never scare mommy because she will burst into tears and sob uncontrollably for an uncomfortable length of time. Just ask daddy.

Brian tried that once with me and almost got a cookie sheet upside the head.

Here, our friend Joseph and my dad discuss their strategy:

And below we have the whole scene. My dad is in the coffin with the fake, severed limb draped across his chest. Joseph stands next to dad and – much to my surprise – goes virtually unnoticed by most people until he jumps out at them.

You’d never guess it, but a coffin can be very distracting. I plan to carry one around with me the next time I have an unsightly blemish on my face. I doubt anyone would even notice my blemish. And now I wonder if this is Lady Gaga’s strategy. I bet she actually has really bad acne. But no one notices because they’re all, “Ewww…are you wearing RAW MEAT?”

That was way off track. Back to the scene:

Our friend Allison worked diligently with my mom to ensure that each child took ONE piece of candy each. (Candy ain’t cheap, people!)

Averi literally mimicked every person who screamed at my dad and Joseph. She was like a parrot – a parrot who mocks your terror.

And you can see the reflection in the door of me doing what I do best:  NOT sitting still for 2 1/2 hours. Seriously, how did they do that?

The only person missing from this photo is my son who decided that Dinosaur Train was more entertaining and slightly less nightmare-inducing.

And here is the crew in action. I guarantee you they had ten times more fun than any child who came to the house.

Costumes were worn. Candy was distributed. Children were terrified. The video camera was rolling.

It was a successful day all around.

PS – I have about 2 hours of video to edit, and I hope to get that up here soon. Honestly, is there anything funnier than watching grown people get so scared that they actually trample their own children? I think not.