Acute Blogger’s Elbow

I give it a week before WebMD confirms this is an actual condition.

And then a drug company picks up on it and develops a medicated cream called Prescription Scribeoflex.

And then some lab rats develop extra appendages or something totally bizarre.

And then there’s a class-action lawsuit against aforementioned drug company because they didn’t disclose it.

And then I become famous as “the face” of the worst drug commercial in history.

And then I get depressed and gain 200 pounds.

And then I lose a bunch of weight eating nothing but dried fruits and vegetables.

And I redeem my career as the spokesmodel for the Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator.

And then TLC does a reality show wherein I lose all credibility…again.

And then I gain 200 pounds…again.

But then lose it by taking Prescription Scribeoflex–which is now sold as a weight-loss drug.

And then Katie Couric, Ellen and Oprah interview me to talk about my tell-all book entitled “Katy Konfidential.”

And then I start my own jewelry line for people with extra appendages.

And then Kim Kardashian becomes my best friend.

THIS is the American Dream, people!