This past Sunday night, while I was busy building my dream house (on Pinterest), I heard JJ scream from upstairs, “Ooooohhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo!”
And while many mothers would rush to the aid of their child—who is in obvious peril—I waited to see if whatever it was would resolve itself. I waited…and I waited…and then I heard an unidentifiable sound.
It sounded like a jellyfish with fat thighs running in wind pants.
But I was pretty sure that wasn’t it. Not at 10 p.m. Jellyfish don’t like to run at night.
And then I heard, “Ooooohhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo! Mama, what HAPPENED?”
That’s when I decided to leave my Pinterest dreamland and remind myself (as I ascended the stairs two at a time) why we can’t have nice things.
JJ greeted me at the top of the landing, his eyes wide with confusion. He said in his most innocent voice, “Mama, what happened to my hands?” I looked down at his glistening palms and wondered what puddle of water he managed to find near his bed—where he was supposed to be asleep two hours ago!
I calmly asked, “JJ, where did that water come from?”
He rubbed his slimy palms together and recreated the jellyfish sound. And that’s when I realized it wasn’t water at all. It was much thicker than that.
“Where did you find that…mysterious liquid?”
He walked me to my bedside table where I found a product sample I picked up at the BlogHer ’13 expo. And I say this with fear and trepidation as I know my father is reading this with the belief that I had (not one but) two immaculate conceptions: that particular sample of bottled jellyfish goo came from the Trojan booth.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we just lost my dad.
It’s funny that out of the thousands of product samples (mouthwash, shampoo, Beano, etc.) still sitting in my bedroom awaiting their final destination, JJ would find his way to the one tube of personal lubricant. He managed to get this goo all over himself as well as my bedside table (and probably every doorknob, wall, and banister he touched along the way).
I took a deep breath, quietly led him downstairs, turned on the office light, grabbed my iPhone, took 5 photos, escorted him to the restroom, washed his hands, escorted him back upstairs to his bed, kissed his forehead, went back downstairs to my office, and proceeded to search on Pinterest for a new bedside table for my dream home.
Though, I must admit, mine has never looked so polished.
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Uuuuggghhh. Tough read for a dad. You just never know what one might find in / on a bedside table. Let’s just say that JJ gets the plundering curiosity honestly. 🙂 You might want to consider a bedside table with locks.
My grt-grnd daughter perfers bag balm. Not udder cream, which is, well, creamy. BAG BALM….kind of a more expensive version of Vaseline. Yeppers, last time I was visiting she did the same thing…..instead of napping. Kids…..ya gotta love ’em. Dona
O.M.G. I am dying laughing… you are a hoot. 🙂
imklvr BAG BALM? Sounds like a risky item to keep in a bedside table. 😉 I’m kidding! That’s really funny!
@Wendy Craig Ward Thanks Wendy! This was one of those moments that while it was happening I was already writing the blog post in my mind. I couldn’t get mad at him. It was just too funny.
so funny and of course pictures first 😀
@GMan Oh, daddy. So many stories to tell… 😉
Lol, I live in fear of this very thing.
Hysterical!!!!
so funny!
friggin hilarious!
I’m so glad these things happen to other parents, too! I could have written this myself. Lol!
OMHeavens!!!!! I am dying laughing~
@Nella Mcallen “Pictures first, questions later.” That’s my motto. 🙂
I loved the comment “grabbed my iPhone, took 5 photos” before she cleaned everything up!!! LOL
Ha!
I must remember to stop drinking a beverage when reading your posts or I will always end up with liquid running out of my nose or mouth when the laughter kicks in.
Loved this! Years ago, my son got into the diaper cream. It covered his body. Two words: water resistant.
Oh dad, thanks for hanging in as long as you did. Those of us who were at BlogHer knew what was coming (sorry!) and should have warned you. Next time. Promise.
Lol, note to self move something …
@Kizz He didn’t even see that one coming, poor guy! 🙂
@Clarice Nguyen I was writing the post in my head before we even got downstairs!
Hahahahaha!
@Julie Sippy That is sooooo gross! I bet it was a huge mess. Reminds me of the time our old dog ate an entire tube of diaper rash cream. That was a fun 3 days. 🙂
I’ve decided that small children just shouldn’t be allowed in the house. Rental house. Carpeted kitchen. 2 year-old. Wanted to make his own scrambled eggs. 5 dozen eggs on the carpeted kitchen floor. I still have nightmares.
Thanks for the belly laugh. I have a friend whose daughter pulled the condom wrapper out of the trash and glued it on her art project.
Note to self: put away all the gear I brought home from BlogHer.
that’s why this girl has a LOCK BOX!!!
MonicaHerman Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh! I just threw up a little. That is epic!
@Katie Oh wow. That hurts me to think about it!
LittleAnimation Yes, ma’am. That’s the lesson here today. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! Great to see you!
maniacalmom Genius. Pure genius.